The Push and the Pull: Understanding Polarised Parts

Have you ever felt like two different people at the same time?

One part of you wants to speak up.
Another part says, “Don’t rock the boat.”

One part wants to rest.
Another says, “There’s still more to do.”

One part wants to love freely.
Another part is terrified to trust again.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not broken—you’re beautifully human.
What you’re experiencing is polarisation—two parts pulling in opposite directions, each trying to protect you in their own way.

Polarisation Is Not a Problem. It’s a Pattern.

In Internal Family Systems, polarised parts are very common. These parts are often stuck in a long-standing tug-of-war. One part wants to go, the other says stay. One part pushes forward, the other pulls back.

These internal dynamics aren’t irrational—they’re intelligent. Each part has a role, a story, a belief about what’s safest or best. And neither wants to be silenced.

Which is why we so often feel stuck, torn, or exhausted.

The goal of IFS isn’t to force a decision or choose sides—it’s to bring in your Self-energy, so each part can feel seen, respected, and unburdened. That’s when true integration becomes possible.

Why It Feels So Hard

When you’re in a polarised state, you may feel confused, paralysed, or overwhelmed. These are common signs that opposing parts are activated and in conflict.

Some typical inner polarities might sound like:

• “I want to leave this relationship… but I’m scared to be alone.”

• “I need rest… but I feel guilty if I’m not productive.”

• “I want to be vulnerable… but I need to protect my heart.”

The harder we push one side, the louder the other part becomes. It’s like an internal arm-wrestling match where no one wins.

A True Moment of Self-Led Wisdom

I once worked with a woman—let’s call her Keira—who was torn about returning to work after maternity leave. One part was excited to reconnect with her career. Another part was grieving the thought of leaving her baby.

She was stuck. Anxious. Judging herself for being indecisive.

So we slowed everything down. We gave each part a voice. We let the career-loving part speak, then the mothering part, without interruption or judgement.

And slowly, she began to feel compassion for both.

She didn’t have to choose one and exile the other. She simply needed to listen, understand their fears, and then decide from Self—not pressure.

That’s the power of healing polarisation.

Try This: Feeling the Push and Pull in Your Body

This embodiment exercise helps you notice when polarised parts are active—and where they live in your body.

Step One: Settle Into Stillness
Sit or lie somewhere comfortable. Take a few slow, grounding breaths.

Step Two: Call In the Conflict
Bring to mind a situation where you feel torn or stuck. Notice the two “sides” of the conflict. You don’t need to fix anything—just name what’s happening.

Step Three: Sense the Pull
Notice where each part lives in your body.
Does one part feel like tightness in your chest?
Does the other show up as tension in your shoulders or belly?

Place a hand on each area. Say softly:
“I see you. You both matter. I want to understand you.”

Step Four: Breathe into the Middle
Now breathe gently into the space between both sensations. Imagine your Self-energy—calm, clear, compassionate—moving in like a gentle mediator. No sides. Just presence.

This space is your power. You don’t have to choose right now. You only need to listen.

Final Thoughts

Polarised parts aren’t enemies.
They’re allies with different strategies—and they’re often both right, in their own way.

You don’t have to fight them.
You don’t have to rush a decision.
You simply need to slow down and let them be heard.

With enough Self-energy, even the deepest inner tug-of-war can become a conversation. And from that conversation, something new can emerge—something wiser, more balanced, more you.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls

Angela xox