The Part That Sabotages Everything: What It Really Wants

Have you ever set a goal, made a plan, or taken the first brave step toward something meaningful—
…and then found yourself backing out, procrastinating, self-sabotaging, or quietly watching it all unravel?

If so, you’re not weak.
You’re not broken.
And you’re definitely not lazy.

You’re human. And very likely, a protective part of you stepped in—not to destroy your progress, but to protect your pain.

What We Call “Sabotage” Is Often Just Fear in Disguise

In IFS, self-sabotaging behaviours are rarely what they seem on the surface. They're not driven by bad intent. They’re not signs that you lack willpower or motivation.

They’re usually coming from a protector part that’s afraid—afraid of success, failure, judgment, disappointment, exposure, or loss.

It might believe:

• “If you get too visible, you’ll be criticised.”

• “If you grow too much, you’ll outgrow the people you love.”

• “If you achieve your dream, you’ll have more to lose.”

So, it intervenes. It distracts you. It numbs you. It creates confusion. It slows you down.
Not because it wants to ruin things—but because it’s terrified of what could happen if things go well.

Sabotage Isn’t the Enemy—It’s a Trailhead

Instead of judging that part, IFS invites us to get curious.

When you notice resistance, delay, or derailment, that’s not failure—it’s a trailhead. A path inward. An opportunity to ask:

What part of me is showing up here, and what is it afraid of?”

From that question, we begin a relationship.
And from that relationship, healing begins.

A Personal Story: The Part That Froze Before the Finish Line

There was a time in my life when every time I got close to completing something meaningful—whether it was launching a new offering, finishing a piece of writing, or even returning a phone call—I would freeze.

I called it “procrastination.” I labelled it “fear of success.” I tried to push through it.

But one day, I stopped. I got still. I asked the part that always stepped in right before completion:
“What are you afraid would happen if we finished?”

And it said, “Then people will see you. And they’ll have expectations. And you’ll disappoint them.”

It wasn’t trying to sabotage me. It was trying to protect a much younger part who still believed her worth came from being perfect.

From there, I didn’t need to fight the resistance. I could meet it with compassion.

Try This: A Reflection on Sabotage as Protection

Use this journaling practice when you feel stuck, resistant, or blocked. You don’t need to solve anything—just get curious.

Step One: Name the Pattern
Write down a recent time when you felt like you were sabotaging something that mattered to you. Be specific. What were you avoiding or delaying?

Step Two: Ask This Question:
“What part of me showed up here, and what might it be afraid of?”
Let your pen move. Listen for the part’s story—not just its behaviour, but its fear.

Step Three: Offer Compassion
Write a short note back to the part, from your Self. It might begin like this:
“Thank you for trying to protect me. I understand now. I’m here, and I’d love to work with you, not against you.”

Step Four: Close with an Intention
Ask: “What’s one small act of courage I can take this week, with this part beside me?” Let the next step feel kind, not forced.

Final Thoughts

Self-sabotage isn’t self-hate.
It’s self-protection that hasn’t been updated.
It’s a loyal part using old tools for a new life.

When you meet that part with presence instead of punishment, everything softens.
And slowly, that part begins to trust that you—the Self—are here to lead now.

That’s not sabotage. That’s healing.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls

Angela xox