Connectedness

We live in a world that’s more “connected” than ever.
But somehow… many of us feel lonelier than we’ve ever felt.

There’s the curated highlight reels, the busy calendars, the endless scrolling. There are friends we can message instantly and still feel completely disconnected from. There are even times when we’re surrounded by people, yet feel deeply alone—especially when we’re not connected to ourselves.

Real connectedness—the kind that nourishes your soul—doesn’t come from being around more people. It comes from being more you. And from letting that you be seen, without armour.

Connection Begins Within

Before we can truly connect with others, we must first come home to ourselves.

That’s not just a pretty idea—it’s a reality I see every day. The women I work with are often incredibly giving, thoughtful, and tuned into everyone else’s needs. But ask them how they feel? What they want? Silence.

Because many of us were taught—directly or indirectly—that our role was to take care of others first. That being “connected” meant self-sacrifice. That love was earned through being useful, agreeable, or small.

And slowly, we disconnected from ourselves.

But you can’t form meaningful connection when you're hiding, shrinking, or abandoning yourself to belong.

Real connection begins when you sit with all your parts—the messy, the angry, the shy, the tired—and say:
“I see you. I want to know you. You belong here.”

That’s what Self does. It welcomes. It includes. It connects.

Why We Long for Connection—And Why We Fear It Too

Humans are wired for connection. It’s a biological and emotional need. But connection can also be terrifying—especially if we’ve been hurt, rejected, betrayed, or shamed.

So we develop parts that protect us.
Parts that say, “Don’t get too close.”
Parts that smile and nod even when our hearts are breaking.
Parts that keep us isolated, even though we’re craving touch, truth, and tenderness.

These parts aren’t bad. They’re brilliant in their own way. They’re trying to keep us safe.

But they can also keep us lonely.

IFS gives us a beautiful path to navigate this: we don’t push those parts aside. We build relationship with them. We let them know they’re no longer alone—and that we can move towards others while still staying connected to ourselves.

The Gift of Being Truly Seen

I’ll never forget a moment with a woman I worked with—let’s call her Alia. She was bright, funny, capable, and deeply isolated. She was surrounded by people who admired her, but no one truly knew her.

Why? Because she didn’t feel safe being vulnerable. A part of her was convinced that if people saw her tears, her needs, her insecurities—they’d leave.

But little by little, as we welcomed her parts and built trust in her inner system, something shifted. She began sharing small truths. She cried in front of a friend for the first time in years. She let her partner see the soft underbelly she’d always protected.

And you know what happened?

She wasn’t abandoned.
She was held.

And in that holding, she found a kind of connection that no amount of performance had ever brought her.

Try This: A Reflection on True Connection

This reflection helps you notice where you're feeling connected—and where you're longing for more.

Step One: Settle In
Find a quiet place. Take a few slow breaths. You might want to place a hand on your heart or belly—just a soft gesture of care.

Step Two: Ask Yourself Gently...

• When was the last time I truly felt connected to myself?

• What helped me feel that connection? (e.g., time in nature, journaling, being in my body)

• When was the last time I felt genuinely seen or held by another person?

• What made that moment feel real?

Write down anything that comes. Or just sit with it.

Step Three: A Loving Intention
Finish with this gentle question:
“What’s one small way I can move toward connection this week—with myself or someone else?”

Let it be simple. Let it come from love, not pressure.

Final Thoughts

Connectedness isn’t about being with more people.
It’s about being more you—and letting that truth meet others.

It’s a return to your body, your voice, your story. It’s a reaching inward, and then reaching out—with tenderness, not urgency.

And when you lead with Self, connection doesn’t cost you anything.
It nourishes you. It heals you. It brings you home.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls

Angela xox