Managing Attachment, Identity, and Business Anxiety

Part Seven in the series: Behind the Practice – Navigating the Real Challenges of Running a Private Practice
By Angela M Carter, IFS Therapist

They say goodbye.
They pause.
They “just need a break” or “have a lot going on.”
Or worse—they simply stop showing up.

And even when you’ve done your work, even when you know this is part of the process…
A part of you still flinches.

• “Was I not helpful enough?”

• “Did I miss something?”

• “What did I do wrong?”

• “Am I losing my touch?”

Welcome to one of the most tender and unspoken pain points in private practice:

Client endings.

They can be beautiful, empowering, intentional.

But they can also feel abrupt, confusing, or like a quiet punch to the gut.

Because when a client leaves, it’s not just the session that ends.

It’s the internal relationship your parts had with being needed, valuable, connected, or seen.

Endings Activate More Than You Own To

In IFS, we understand that endings activate protectors and exiles alike:

• A caretaker part may feel rejected

• A perfectionist part may panic that you missed a cue

• A people-pleaser may wish you had done more to keep them

• A scarcity part may worry about financial loss

• And beneath it all, an exile might still carry the wound of being left, overlooked, or misunderstood

The nervous system doesn’t always register the difference between a client’s life transition and personal rejection.

To some parts of you, a paused session feels like abandonment.

And without awareness, you may start adjusting your boundaries or overgiving to avoid feeling that again.

A Personal Reflection: When One Client’s Goodbye Felt Like a Collapse

I once had a long-term client end suddenly.
There was no rupture. No conflict. They just felt “complete.”

But I didn’t feel complete.

A part of me scrambled for a reason.
“Maybe I wasn’t deep enough.”
“Maybe they didn’t feel safe enough to tell the truth.”
“Maybe they found someone better.”

That wasn’t my whole Self speaking—it was a very young exile who remembered what it was like to be dropped without explanation.

That part wasn’t trying to make it about me.
She just wanted to understand. To stay connected. To feel secure.

And when I turned toward her—not away from her—I could offer what the client couldn’t: Reassurance. Containment. Closure.

Your Clients Aren’t the Source of Your Worth—They’re the Recipients of Your Gift

You can be an extraordinary therapist and still lose clients.
You can hold deep transformation and still experience cancellation.
You can give your best and still be released.

Client endings are not proof of your inadequacy.
They’re part of the rhythm of this work.

The real question is:

How do you hold yourself when a client leaves?

That’s where the healing is.

Try This: Finding Self in the Wake of a Client’s Exit

This reflection helps you check in with the parts activated by a client’s ending—and offer yourself the closure you may not receive externally.

Step One: Acknowledge the Ending
Write:
“A client recently ended or paused their work, and I noticed…”
Name the thoughts, feelings, and body sensations. Let your parts speak.

Step Two: Ask the Most Activated Part What It Fears
Choose one voice and gently ask:

• “What are you afraid this ending says about me?”

• “What are you trying to protect me from?”

• “Have you been here before?”

You might meet a younger part who still associates endings with being unloved or unsafe.

Step Three: Respond From Self
Place a hand over your heart or the area that feels tight.
Say or write:

“I see you. I know you’re holding a lot right now.
I’m proud of how we showed up.
I won’t let this moment define our value.
We are still whole.”

Optional Step: Ritual for Closure

• Light a candle for the client and little one inside

• Take a symbolic walk or release something physically

• Speak aloud a blessing for the connection that was

Let yourself mark the ending, so it doesn’t stay unfinished in your body.

Final Thoughts

You are not your caseload.
You are not your retention rate.
You are not just a practitioner—you are a person.

And people who care deeply will feel the ache of goodbye.
That doesn’t make you weak. It makes you real.

What matters is not avoiding the ache.
What matters is how you hold yourself through it.

You can walk yourself back to safety.
Back to worth.
Back to Self.

Every time.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox 

Next up: Too Many Hats: When You’re the Therapist, Admin, Accountant, and Marketer