Reclaiming Your Right to Decide for You

How often do you say yes when you mean no?

Or stay quiet when something inside is screaming to speak?

Or do the “right thing” while ignoring the part of you that longs for something else?

If you’re nodding right now, know this: you’re not alone. So many of us—especially women—have been taught to defer, appease, avoid conflict, and keep the peace. We become experts at making choices that suit everyone… except ourselves.

But in IFS, choice is sacred. It’s not just about making decisions—it’s about who is making them. True choice comes from Self. Not from fear. Not from obligation. Not from wounded parts who feel they have no other option.

When you’re connected to your Self, something powerful happens:
You remember you have a choice.
You remember your voice matters.
You begin to live from what feels aligned—not just what feels expected.

Living on Autopilot (and Why That’s Not Your Fault)

Many of us move through life in a kind of trance. We’re on autopilot—saying yes, showing up, smiling through discomfort—because it’s what we’ve always done. Somewhere along the line, it became safer to blend in than to ask ourselves what we actually want.

Parts develop that say:

• “Don’t rock the boat.”

• “It’s easier if you just go along.”

• “You’re being difficult if you have needs.”

These are protective parts. They’re not trying to hurt you. They’re trying to keep you safe in a world that may have taught you that choosing yourself comes at a cost.

But Self-energy changes the game. It brings in the calm, confident inner leader who can say, “Thank you for protecting me—but I’ve got this now.”

What Self-Led Choice Feels Like

You know you’re choosing from Self when the decision comes from a place of calm—not panic.

There’s a kind of inner steadiness that says:

• “This might be uncomfortable, but it feels right.”

• “This is hard, but it’s aligned with my truth.”

• “I’m allowed to honour my boundaries, even if others don’t understand.”

You stop reacting. You start responding.
Not from wounded parts. Not from people-pleasing. But from an integrated, wise, compassionate place within.

And that, my friend, is liberation.

Personal Moment: The Choice That Changed Everything

Years ago, I had to make a decision that terrified me: leaving something that felt familiar, safe, and expected—but didn’t feel true anymore. Every part of me protested. The “good girl” part. The “responsible one.” The “don’t disappoint anyone” voice was screaming.

But then I paused. I got quiet. I placed my hands on my body and listened.

Underneath the fear was a clear knowing.

It didn’t shout. It whispered.
It didn’t demand. It invited.

And I chose from that place—not with perfect confidence, but with enough courage to honour myself.

It changed my life.

Try This: Embodying the Power of Choice

This somatic practice helps you connect with your body’s inner guidance when making a decision—or when you simply need to remember you have choice.

Step One: Get Grounded
Stand or sit comfortably. Feel your feet on the floor. Let your breath become steady and natural.

Step Two: Bring in a Choice You’re Facing
This might be a big decision—or something small, like how to spend your evening. Let it come to mind.

Step Three: Connect to Your Body’s Wisdom
Now, imagine saying yes to that choice.
Notice what happens in your body.
Do you feel tension or spaciousness? Constriction or relief?

Then, imagine saying no.
Notice what changes. Where does your body tighten or soften?

Step Four: Place a Hand on Your Heart
Say to yourself: “I am allowed to choose what feels right for me.”
“I don’t have to justify, defend, or apologise for listening to myself.”

Even if you’re not ready to act on your choice, this practice builds inner trust. And the more you trust yourself, the more you lead from Self.

Final Thoughts

Choice is an act of self-respect.

It’s not always easy. It might be messy. But it’s yours—and it’s sacred.

You are not here to live someone else’s life.
You are not here to betray yourself for acceptance.
You are allowed to want what you want, feel what you feel, and choose what’s right for you.

Always.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox