“It Wasn’t That Impressive Anyway”

Part Four in the series: “Unmasking the Imposter – An IFS-Informed Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth”
By Angela M Carter, IFS Therapist

“I mean, it was nothing really…”
“I just got lucky…”
“It wasn’t that hard…”
“I wouldn’t say I’m good at it…”

Sound familiar?

If you’ve ever found yourself brushing off compliments, avoiding praise, or talking down your accomplishments—even the ones that took everything in you to achieve—then you’ve likely met the Minimiser Part.

She’s quiet.
She’s subtle.
She might even sound humble.

But underneath that deflection is often a deep fear of what it means to be seen, celebrated, or successful.

And this part would rather you dim your light than risk being judged for shining too brightly.

What the Minimiser Is Trying to Protect You From

In IFS, we understand that every part has a role.
The Minimiser’s job?
Keep you safe by keeping you small.

She worries that if you:

• Accept praise, you’ll look arrogant

• Acknowledge your skill, you’ll invite jealousy or criticism

• Let yourself feel proud, someone will knock you down

So instead, she whispers: “Don’t get too confident.”
“If they like you, it must be a fluke.”
“Don’t celebrate too much—they’ll think you’re full of yourself.”

She learned early on that playing small felt safer than standing out.

A Personal Reflection: Hiding Behind “It’s No Big Deal”

Early in my career, I was invited to speak at an ADHD conference. It was a moment I should have been proud of—a recognition of my voice, my experience, and the work I was doing at the time.

But I remember deflecting compliments with phrases like: “Oh, they just needed someone to fill a slot.”
“It’s no big deal.”

That was my Minimiser speaking.
She didn’t want me to get “too proud.”
She believed if I beat others to the critique, I’d be safe.

What I’ve since learned is that she was protecting a younger part of me—a girl who learned early on that confidence could be misunderstood, that shining too brightly invited risk.

Now, even though I no longer work in that space, I can look back and own that moment.
I can thank my Minimiser for trying to keep me safe…
And gently remind her: “We’re allowed to receive now.”

Minimising Isn’t Humility—It’s Protection

There’s nothing wrong with being humble.
But many women confuse minimising with modesty.
When in truth, this part is often afraid of the discomfort that comes with being seen.

She believes:

• If I take up space, I’ll be too much.

• If I shine, I’ll be a threat.

• If I enjoy this, they’ll think I don’t deserve it.

This part doesn’t need to be “fixed.”
She needs to feel safe in your presence.

Try This: Honouring the Part That Dismisses Your Achievements

This reflection helps you recognise and soften the part that shrinks or deflects your brilliance.

Step One: Write Down a Recent Achievement
It could be something big (like finishing a project) or small (like saying no without guilt).
Now ask:
“Did I let myself feel proud of this?”

Step Two: Name the Minimiser’s Voice
What did this part say?

• “It wasn’t that hard.”

• “Other people have done more.”

• “It’s not worth celebrating.”

Let her speak without judgement.

Step Three: Ask What She’s Protecting You From
Now write:

• “What are you afraid will happen if I celebrate this?”

• “Whose voice do you sound like?”

• “How long have you been doing this job?”

Step Four: Speak From Self
Finish with:

“Thank you for trying to protect me.
I see that you’re scared I’ll be hurt or criticised.
But I’m here now, and it’s safe for us to take up space.”

You don’t need to shout to be seen.
You only need to stop shrinking from yourself.

Final Thoughts

There’s a quiet courage in learning to say,
“I did that. I created that. I’m proud of that.”

It’s not ego.
It’s ownership.
And when your parts know you won’t abandon them in the spotlight, something begins to heal.

You don’t have to hide your light to be safe.
You just have to stay connected to your Self when it shines.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox 

Next up: The Overworker: “I Have to Keep Proving Myself”