“You’ll Never Be Good Enough”

Part Three in the series: “Unmasking the Imposter – An IFS-Informed Guide to Reclaiming Your Worth”
By Angela M Carter, IFS Therapist

There’s a voice I used to live with so closely, I didn’t even know it was a part of me.

It would whisper things like:

• “You should’ve done better.”

• “Why did you say that?”

• “She’s more qualified than you.”

• “You’re going to mess this up.”

And sometimes, it didn’t whisper. It shouted.

That voice—the Inner Critic—is one many of us know too well.

Especially those of us who hold high standards, love deeply, care about doing right by others, or have a history of not being believed, validated, or valued.

For years, I thought this voice was me.
I thought it was the truth.

But when I began working with Internal Family Systems (IFS), I discovered something life-changing:

That voice was a part.
A scared, controlling, hypervigilant part who believed criticism would keep me safe.
And underneath her… was a deeply vulnerable exile who feared I’d never be enough.

What the Inner Critic Is Really Trying to Do

In IFS, the Inner Critic is a manager part—trying to keep your internal system in order by controlling your behaviour through fear.

It tells you you’re not good enough, smart enough, thin enough, quick enough—because it believes if you’re just better, you’ll be safe from:

• Rejection

• Embarrassment

• Failure

• Abandonment

• Shame

This part likely developed when you were young.
Maybe when you got told off for being “too much.”
Maybe when praise was only offered for achievement.
Maybe when someone else’s love or attention felt conditional.

The Inner Critic stepped in with a twisted sort of logic: “If I criticise you first, you won’t get hurt when someone else does.”

It doesn’t hate you.
It’s terrified for you.

A Client Story: From Punishment to Protection

One of the women I supported—let’s call her Mia—had an Inner Critic so fierce it would wake her up in the night with shame.

She’d replay conversations in her mind, dissect emails before sending them, and feel deeply responsible for everyone’s emotions.

When we got curious, the critic said:
“I don’t want her to be humiliated like she was in school. I’m just trying to keep her safe.”

It wasn’t cruelty. It was protection dressed as punishment.

Once Mia started meeting that part with compassion—not force—it began to soften.
Not disappear, but trust her more.

She didn’t have to silence it. She had to listen.

Try This: A Self-Led Dialogue With Your Inner Critic

This reflective writing practice helps you create space between you and your critic—so you can hear its fears and respond with compassion.

Step One: Let the Critic Speak
Write as your Inner Critic. Begin with: “I’m worried that…”
Let the part express itself without editing. Just give it a voice.

Examples:

• “I’m worried you’ll fail.”

• “I’m scared they’ll see you as incompetent.”

• “I don’t think you’re doing enough.”

Step Two: Ask It Some Gentle Questions
Now write:

• “What are you afraid would happen if you didn’t say these things?”

• “How long have you been trying to protect me?”

• “What do you need from me to feel safe?”

Let the answers come naturally.

Step Three: Write From Your Self to the Critic
Now, respond from your calm, kind centre:

“Thank you for trying to keep me safe.
I know you’ve worked hard for a long time.
I’m here now. You don’t have to carry this alone.”

Notice how the system responds. Often, this is the first moment of true internal relief.

Final Thoughts

The Inner Critic doesn’t need to be silenced.
She needs to be seen.
She needs to be heard—not obeyed.
And she needs to know that your Self is here now.

That you no longer need to be punished into safety.
That you can live from love, not fear.
That you are already enough.

Even with typos.
Even with tears.
Even when you’re not sure.

You don’t need to be perfect to be powerful.
You just need to be present.

With abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox 

Next up: The Minimiser: “It Wasn’t That Impressive Anyway”