Hearing the Voices of the Wounded Child

Somewhere deep inside you, there is a younger version of you still waiting to be heard.

She may be quiet, hiding behind protective walls.
She may be frozen in a memory.
She may be the part of you that cries when no one’s around.
The part that still believes, “Maybe it really was my fault.”

In Internal Family Systems, we call this part the exile.

She is not bad or broken. She’s not something to fix.
She is you—just younger.
And all she really wants is to be seen.

What Is an Exile?

Exiles are parts of us that hold deep pain—usually from early experiences of loss, rejection, fear, abandonment, humiliation, or neglect.

They carry the raw emotions we couldn’t process at the time:
Grief that was too big.
Anger we weren’t allowed to express.
Loneliness no one noticed.
Shame we thought we deserved.

Because it was too much to bear, other parts stepped in—protectors who shoved those feelings down and locked them away. Not because they didn’t care, but because they did.

And so the exile became quiet.
Forgotten, but never gone.

How Exiles Speak to Us Now

You might not hear your exile directly, but you’ve likely felt her through:

• Emotional flashbacks that seem bigger than the moment.

• A hollow ache that surfaces in stillness.

• A deep fear of abandonment or rejection.

• A longing to be held, even if you can’t say it out loud.

When these feelings emerge, it’s easy to think something’s wrong with you. But in IFS, we know this isn’t pathology—it’s a part of you asking for your presence.

Exiles don’t need fixing.
They need re-parenting—with compassion, curiosity, and the steady presence of your Self.

A Real-Life Glimpse: The Little Girl at the Door

A woman I worked with—we’ll call her Talia—once described an intense wave of sadness that hit her every time her partner left the house. Even if it was just for the day.

“I feel abandoned,” she said. “And I know it’s irrational, but I can’t stop it.”

We paused. Got curious. And what came forward was an exile—a little girl, left alone too many times, told to “stop being so sensitive.”

Talia imagined meeting her. Sitting beside her. Letting her cry.

She didn’t rush to change anything. She just listened.

And for the first time, that little girl didn’t feel abandoned. She felt held.

That’s what happens when the exile speaks—and the Self answers.

Try This: Meeting a Younger Part Through the Body

This embodiment practice helps you gently connect with an exile—not through thinking, but through sensing. Go slowly. Trust your pace.

Step One: Create Safety
Sit or lie somewhere quiet. Wrap yourself in something soft. Place one hand on your heart, one on your belly. Breathe slowly.

Step Two: Call In Self-Energy
Say silently: “I’m here. I’m safe. I want to connect with any younger part that’s ready to be seen today.”

Let the invitation be gentle. You’re not forcing anything.

Step Three: Notice What Arises
Do you feel warmth? Tightness? A flutter? A memory or image?

Let your awareness stay with that sensation. Ask, “Is this a younger part of me?”

If yes, say: “I see you. You don’t have to be alone anymore.”

Step Four: Offer Comfort
If a younger part appears, you might visualise offering her a blanket, a hug, or simply sitting nearby.

Let her know: “I’m not here to change you. I just want to be with you.”

That presence is the beginning of healing.

Final Thoughts

The parts of you that were exiled did not disappear.
They waited.
And now, as you lead with Self, they can return—not to take over, but to finally be welcomed home.

You are not too much.
You are not too sensitive.
You are someone who feels deeply—because there are parts of you that were never felt with.

And now… you’re no longer doing this alone.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox