Building a Business That Nourishes, Not Depletes You

Part Nine in the series: Behind the Practice – Navigating the Real Challenges of Running a Private Practice
By Angela M Carter, IFS Therapist

You light a candle.
You take a breath.
You show up for your client with presence and care.

But somewhere in your system, a quiet part is saying:

• “I’m exhausted.”

• “I can’t do this much longer.”

• “Is this what I built my practice for?”

That part doesn’t need a holiday.
She needs a different way of being.

Because too many of us have built businesses that look successful from the outside…
but are quietly running on depletion, self-sacrifice, and unsustainable emotional labour.

And it’s not your fault.

You didn’t fail to build a sustainable practice.

You may have unknowingly built a practice that mirrors old survival strategies.

Survival Shows Up in Business Too

In Internal Family Systems (IFS), we see how early strategies—formed in childhood or through trauma—don’t just show up in relationships.

They show up in how we work.

You may notice:

• A caretaker part who over-delivers to be “worth it”

• A scarcity part who never says no—even when you’re exhausted

• A martyr part who equates sacrifice with service

• A guilt-driven part who worries that healthy boundaries are harmful to clients

• An exile who still believes, “If I stop overgiving, I’ll be forgotten.”

These parts aren’t trying to sabotage you.
They’re trying to keep you safe in a system that once rewarded self-abandonment.

But what helped you survive back then…
might be draining you now.

A Personal Reflection: When My Business Stopped Feeling Like Mine

There was a season when I realised I was working in my business, but no longer with it.

I was giving, responding, holding, adjusting—always meeting the needs of others.

And yet, a part of me felt invisible. Tired. Quietly resentful.

When I checked in, I found the same pattern I’d once lived in family dynamics:

Keep the peace. Don’t need too much. Earn your belonging.

It had followed me right into private practice.

That part needed to know: “You don’t have to build this practice on sacrifice. You’re allowed to build it on sustainability.”

And from that moment, I began making different choices—small, kind ones.

Ones that didn’t look dramatic from the outside…
but inside? They changed everything.

Sustainable Doesn’t Mean Slower. It Means Safer.

A sustainable practice is one that:

• Supports your nervous system

• Honours your boundaries and capacity

• Leaves space for your creativity, relationships, and rest

• Doesn’t rely on adrenaline or guilt to keep going

• Grows at the pace of your truth—not others’ expectations

It doesn’t mean you work less.
It means you stop bleeding out in the name of being “enough.”

And when your parts trust that they’ll be cared for within your practice,
you’ll stop building it in a way that asks them to disappear.

Try This: Rewriting the Rules of “Enough” in Business

This reflection supports you to gently notice where survival is still shaping your practice—and how to begin creating from Self.

Step One: Name What Feels Unsustainable
Write: “In my current practice, I feel depleted by…”

Let your parts speak freely. Is it scheduling? Emotional weight? Admin? Financial stress?

Step Two: Ask the Part Why It’s Saying Yes
Choose one over-functioning behaviour (eg. working late, not raising fees) and ask:

• “What do you fear will happen if I stop doing this?”

• “What are you trying to protect me from?”

• “When did you first learn this was the only way to be safe?”

You may hear echoes of earlier dynamics—family, cultural, systemic.

Step Three: Speak From Self
Write a message from your calm, compassionate centre:

“Thank you for holding so much.
I know this way helped us once.
But we’re not there anymore.
I’m ready to build something that supports you, not just others.”

Step Four: Create a Micro-Shift Toward Sustainability
Ask:
“What is one small change I can make this week to nourish my system?”

It might be:

• Blocking out admin time

• Adjusting a session length

• Creating a policy that protects your time

• Saying no without apology

• Doing nothing for one day—and watching the sky not fall

These shifts are not selfish. They’re sacred.

Final Thoughts

You are not here to rescue others at the cost of yourself.
You are not here to replicate your old survival story through your calendar.

You are here to do meaningful, beautiful work.
But not from depletion.

From presence.
From clarity.
From Self.

A sustainable business isn’t built in a day.
But it begins the moment you say:

“I matter too.”

Next up (final article in the series): Coming Home to Self in Business: Why Your Practice Needs You, Not a Perfect Persona