Navigating the Guilt and Fear Around Charging What You’re Worth

Part Three in the series: Behind the Practice – Navigating the Real Challenges of Running a Private Practice
By Angela M Carter, IFS Therapist

You open your payment system.
You hover over the fee update.
You run the numbers again. And again. And still, a part of you whispers…

• “Who do you think you are to charge that?”

• “What if your clients can’t afford it?”

• “You didn’t become a therapist to make money.”

• “Just be grateful people are booking.”

And there it is—pricing panic.

It doesn’t show up as spreadsheets and strategy.
It shows up as a tangle of protectors, legacy burdens, financial trauma, and shame.

So many private practitioners—especially women—carry the weight of this silently.
Not because they don’t know their worth.
But because their parts are trying to protect them from what they fear will happen if they claim it.

Your Fees Are Not Just Numbers—They’re Stories

In IFS, we understand that money activates parts of us that are often unseen and unmet.

When you consider raising your prices or even holding your boundaries around money, you may notice:

• A caretaker part that wants to ensure no one feels burdened

• A protector that believes success will make you a target

• A scarcity-driven part that thinks this might be your last client for a while

• An exile underneath it all who still believes her value is tied to self-sacrifice

These parts don’t care about industry rates or cost of living.
They care about belonging, safety, and being seen as “good.”

And for many of us, charging money—especially for something as intimate as healing—can trigger an old burden:

“If I’m truly of service, I shouldn’t need anything in return.”

But service without sustainability is martyrdom.
And martyrdom burns bright… and burns out.

A Personal Reflection: When My Pricing Was a Battle With Myself

There was a time I couldn’t say my fee aloud without a part of me flinching.

I’d offer payment options apologetically.
Discount myself before clients even asked.
Undercharge because a part of me feared they’d walk away if I didn’t.

That part was trying to protect me from something much deeper:
The fear of being seen as selfish.
The fear of not being needed.
The fear that money would make me less real.

It took time—and many compassionate conversations with those parts—to understand:

I wasn’t just setting prices.
I was unburdening a lineage of self-denial.

And each time I raised my fee in alignment with Self,
I reinforced this message: My work deserves to be supported. And so do I.

Charging Is Not Greedy—It’s Grounding

You’re not just charging for your time.
You’re charging for:

• Your training

• Your holding

• Your nervous system

• Your emotional capacity

• Your clinical insight

• Your lived wisdom

• Your ability to create safety, space, and transformation

Charging what feels right for your system doesn’t make you cold or inaccessible.

It makes you sustainable.

And that is ethical practice.

Try This: A Self-Led Reflection for Pricing With Integrity

This practice helps you get curious about what parts are activated around your fees—and begin making decisions from Self, not fear.

Step One: Notice the Reaction
Write:
“When I think about charging $___, I notice…”

Let your parts speak. You may hear:

• “No one will pay that”

• “It’s too much”

• “You’ll lose clients”

• “People won’t respect you if you undercharge”

Step Two: Ask Each Part What It’s Protecting You From
Choose one of the voices and write:

• “What are you afraid would happen if I did charge this?”

• “What are you afraid would happen if I didn’t?”

• “Where did you learn that I’m not allowed to receive fully?”

Let your pen move. No judgment.

Step Three: Respond From Self
Finish by writing a message from Self:

“Thank you for looking out for me.
I know this isn’t just about money—it’s about safety.
I promise to lead with compassion, integrity, and care—for our clients, and for us.
We’re allowed to thrive.”

Optional Step: Choose One Small Action
This could be:

• Practising saying your new fee aloud

• Updating your website or cancellation policy

• Talking to a trusted colleague about your pricing blocks

• Journaling about what a sustainable, Self-led practice really looks like for you

Final Thoughts

You didn’t come into this work to get rich.
But that doesn’t mean you’re meant to go without.

Your pricing doesn’t make you less compassionate.
And lowering your value won’t make you more loved.

When your system knows it’s safe to receive,
you don’t just support your clients—you support your life.

And you deserve that.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox 

Next up: Boundary Burnout: When Saying Yes to Clients Means Saying No to Yourself