Feeling Solid in Who You Are

Confidence is often misunderstood.

We’re taught it’s loud. That it walks into a room, commands attention, has all the answers. We’re shown magazine covers, influencers, and public speakers as the definition of what it means to be “a confident woman.”

But real confidence—true confidence—is quieter than that.

It’s not about performance.
It’s about presence.

It doesn’t shout.
It simply knows.

Confidence Isn’t a Trait—It’s a State

Here’s something you may never have been told: you don’t need to become confident—you already are.

That might sound strange if you’ve spent most of your life second-guessing yourself. But in IFS, we understand confidence not as a personality trait, but as one of the natural expressions of Self.

It’s already within you, waiting beneath the protective layers.

When you’re in Self, confidence is what naturally rises. Not because you’re flawless or certain—but because you feel connected to your truth. You’re not performing, or trying to be liked. You’re simply being who you are, unapologetically and lovingly.

When Parts Dim Our Light

For many women, confidence gets clouded by parts that were formed early on—parts that learned to play small, to be polite, to not be “too much.” These parts are smart. They adapted for survival. But they can also hold us back from fully inhabiting our worth.

You might hear them as:

• “Who do you think you are?”

• “You’re not ready yet.”

• “You’ll embarrass yourself.”

And so we stay quiet. We say yes when we mean no. We doubt our instincts. We delay our dreams. Not because we’re weak—but because we have parts that fear what might happen if we shine too brightly.

And yet… somewhere deep inside, another voice exists. One that says: “You were made for more.”

Reclaiming What Was Never Lost

Confidence doesn’t come from fixing yourself. It comes from reconnecting—with your Self, with your body, with your voice.

It’s in the moment you speak up, even though your hands are shaking.

It’s in the decision to wear what you love, not what makes others comfortable.

It’s in the bold yes, and the sacred no.

Confidence shows up in how you move through the world. It says:
“I trust myself to handle what comes.”

And if parts of you don’t yet trust that? That’s okay. You can meet them with compassion. You can build that trust one small step at a time.

This Is Personal

I’ll be honest with you: there have been chapters in my life where I couldn’t find my confidence anywhere. Times when I measured my worth by my productivity, my relationships, or my body. When a part of me believed that if I just worked harder, looked better, or pleased more people, then I’d finally feel good enough.

But that version of confidence was a mask.

Real confidence came when I stopped chasing it.

It showed up when I slowed down, got still, and listened to the parts of me that were scared. It grew stronger every time I said, “I hear you… but I’m leading now.”

And you can do that too.

Try This: A Confidence Reflection

This gentle reflection helps you remember the confidence that already lives within you—and the times when it quietly led the way.

Step One: Think back to a time in your life when you felt proud of yourself.
It doesn’t have to be big. It could be the day you set a boundary, left a situation that wasn’t right, or simply spoke up for what you needed.

Step Two: Close your eyes and revisit that moment.
Where were you?
What did you say or do?
How did it feel in your body?

Step Three: Ask yourself:

• What part of me showed up with strength or self-belief that day?

• What does this memory teach me about my inner courage and resilience?

• What would it feel like to carry that energy into my life today?

Optional: Write it down. Let your own story remind you of who you are.

You don’t need to become confident.
You just need to remember yourself.

Final Thoughts

Confidence isn’t about knowing everything.
It’s about knowing yourself.

It doesn’t mean never doubting—it means not letting your doubt make the decisions.

And as you continue to lead with Self, that quiet confidence will grow. Not from the outside in, but from the inside out.

In abundant love and kindness for all gentle souls,

Angela xox